I love to eat. Anyone who knows me a little could tell you that I am an eater. To my shame, alex would readily agree that I live to eat rather than eat to live. So as a wife and a mom, I love to see my family eat a lot like me. It makes me feel accomplished and gives me a good feeling about my job security as a homemaker. Unfortunately, alex and nathaniel are not voracious eaters. Often times I get stressed out about them not consuming enough food and I have to cling onto God to take care of their health. Then came eliana.
Oh. my. I never realized that swallowing liquid could be such a laborious task. I feed eliana twice a day by mouth since she passed her swallow study (Praise the Lord! 🙂 the rest of her feeds go through the NG-tube). Ever since then, she’s been taking between 3-15ml of milk by mouth over 30 minutes (she’s supposed to take about 50ml). It bewilders me to see her struggle so much to get 3ml down in 20 minutes. Needless to say, I get pretty discouraged by the end of my hospital visits. The doctors have brought up the option of G-tube again and with eliana eating like this, it seems pretty futile to even consider any other option. So in the past few days, I have been praying for God to calm my fears regarding the G-tube and to give me peace about going forward with it. As alex would say, if she needs it, she needs it.
God knows me painfully well. Of all challenges, He gives me another family member who doesn’t like to eat. I want to scream and pull my hair out sometimes– especially after she takes 4ml over a long 30 minutes of battle– but I learned to take a big breath in those moments and tell myself that she is God’s daughter and that He will take a good care of her. If my pride before was in having a plump baby with countless rolls, my pride now would be in having a baby that eats so little yet is being sustained by God’s grace and power. 🙂
God has shown so much of His grace in eliana’s life already. With every unexpected turn, I see more of His grace and mercy juxtaposed to my disbelief and sin. I can see how eliana will be used in so many different ways to teach me lessons over this long, long journey. Her life has already challenged me to trust in God in all circumstances and to love Him above all things. May the KOs continue to strive to be thankful through difficulties and be found faithful before God.
Job 23:10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.
Eliana will be reevaluated for her need for the G-tube early this week. If they decide that she needs it, she will have surgery sometime next week and be discharged one week after the surgery.
– Please pray that if within God’s will, eliana will start eating well by mouth so that she may not need the G-tube.
– Please pray that I may not be discouraged after feeding eliana. She has been getting worse in terms of feeding and it worries me that she may never get better. Please pray that I will trust in God with eliana. 🙂
Thank you, again, for all your prayers!